Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Emo Dump

A friend wrote recently to note that I seemed sad below the surface when we got together over the holidays. I tend to get sort of melancholy around the holidays. I always have, and I have no idea why. I suspect it may have something to do with anticipating the looming gloomy months of winter still to be borne after the fun of holiday is over; I've had pretty bad depressions every Jan-Mar since I can remember.
On another front, I'm not terribly happy with my physical condition right now. I've gained a LOT of weight the last half of the year, and although I can trace the REASON to poor eating habits and lack of physical activity, I can't pinpoint the CAUSE of same. There must be some emotional void I'm trying to fill, but nothing major has changed in my life recently so I'm at a loss to explain what it is. I just know I can't put the chocolate down! Arrrrgh!
Mike and I tend to follow a sine-wave type course in our marriage, and we're at a low right now. He takes most of December off work because he earns so much vacation time, and this year especially it's driven home some fundamental differences between us. Not that I didn't know this at the start of our relationship, but Mike's mainly a homebody. He'd be perfectly content to stay home for the entire month, play with Drew, watch TV, fiddle on the computer. Me, I saw the time off as an opportunity to go do fun stuff as a family, and it quickly became apparent that if that was going to happen, I was going to be responsible for the initiation, planning, execution, and management of any activity we did. NOT my idea of fun! Especially when I knew he'd rather not be doing whatever it was I planned for us to do.
Well. That's probably more than I've thought about the sadness situation in a long time! I'm relieved to be back on our normal schedule (Mike is back at work this week) and looking forward to planning some fun activities in the coming months to try to stave off the winter doldrums. I'm also going to focus on building my business and that will keep me busy, as well!
I'm aware of it, and taking steps to prevent it from worsening -- and trying to improve the situation, as well!

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